Tuesday 16th April (2am Hawaii Time)
Weight - God knows (but post travel bloat & excessive quinoa crisp consumption). Alcohol Units - unsure, my parents drink a lot more than I do since I moved to Bali. Cigarettes - none (YAS). Calories - uncountable, but I did burn 549 in a disgusting Orange Theory class today, therefore cancelling all other food out, therefore equaling zero.
I had the moment, the moment that could have been picked up & placed onto a movie set with Celine Dion killing it in the background with ‘All By Myself’. Where all I needed was a bottle of wine in hand so I can sing that solo loud, play the drums with the TV remote & cry dramatically so I sound like a dying cat.
But let me give you the Bali version instead…a Friday afternoon, the rain pouring, the heavy dark waves crashing down as you sit on your beached surf board, soaking wet with a grazed knee after being taken out by yet another wave, crying to yourself…I wish I could make this shit up, as it makes me howl with laughter now, I became the Bali Bridget, minus the wine & the dressing gown, but with all the emotions & the single spinster title looming over my head.
I had been trying to control so much over the space of a few weeks, situations that aren’t irregular & that everyone experiences, but situations I had decided to let eat me up inside, & we all know what happens when you just let something brew inside...Suddenly, when I was faced with the prospect of trying to surf again, putting myself in a situation I can’t control with Mother Nature trying to eat me up wave by wave, that was when the mental block came crashing down & caught me, red fucking handed, in my Bridget Jones pants…in the least attractive way.
I have always tended to be a helper, a carer for others who need the support when asked - a mother figure per se(without the kids, husband, boyfriend, or regular shags), but when I need help myself I shy away, keep myself to myself and try and control my situation. This time round I decided to delve into work, take no time for myself & of course question who I was because of other peoples actions, whilst also having zero taste buds therefore delving into tubs of ice-cream was off the cards - calories wasted.
The most amazing lesson I have learnt from Bridget & my breakdown moments - or should I say breakthrough moments (thank you Crystal), is that whether you are burying yourself away, being dumped, questioning single life or your journey in life in general - is that you need to stop trying to control everything, because you can’t. I have spoken about this before, but god dammnnnn do I need to listen to myself more & practice what I bloody preach. Also just to add, somebody has once been in the same situation as you before, you are not alone, it has happened, you are not an alien - so…ask for help, stop being a prize dick.
Life can be difficult, so put on your big, sexy, belly sucking in pants, grab your bottle of wine & sing your heart out to Celine whilst crying. But always get up, let go and ride those emotional waves, don’t just drown in them. Since that weekend I have surrounded myself with empowering humans, taken care of myself and of course drowned a few more times whilst trying to surf. Literally.
Always work on yourself, ask for help when you need it, keep caring & as Bridget states:
“It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.”
& that is okay…just let go of anything and everything that may bring about some sort of ‘emotional fuckwittage’.
Lots of Love,
Steph aka Bali Bridget x